Post by Squirrel on Jan 23, 2008 6:24:48 GMT 7
Kamio's Joy
This is my first story and its not very good so...review it please people!Its about Kamio.
Kamio walked slowly down the sidewalk lost in his thoughts about a certain someone.He sighed louldly causing people to turn and stare that were walking anywhere around im.He was the center of attention and he hated it.Quickly he sped up and around the corner.
Why?Why Ann-chan?Do you like him...he thought miserably.
What shocked Kamio as he walked into the gate of his yard was Ann-chan sitting on the porch dangling her legs along the side.When she saw him approach she quickly got up and ran to him and gave him a hug."Hi Kamio-kun"she said happily stepping back smiling from a blushing Kamio.He was shocked."Ann-chan why are you here?''he asked trying to hide his happiness."To see you of course"she said matter of factly with her hands behind her back.
"But why?"he asked utterly confused.
Shes at my house!!!!he thought happily.
"Lets go on a date,Kamio-kun"she said grabbing his hand and walking outside of the gate."A DATE?!"He exclaimed loudly."Yes,a date now come on"she said pulling him along.
The end.
Did anyone like my first story?I know its not very good..but can anyone review it and tell me what needs to be worked on?Well thank you!
-Squirrel
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Mayu's Choice
Okay!This is my second story.Hopefully this one will be better than the last one I made.lol.I took yalls advice and tried this story.It might be better or it might be worse I dont know...but anyways review it please!I want to know whats wrong with this one because I know somethings just not right.
How it all started:
"Mayu-chan" called mayu's mother from at the foot of the stairs.
"What is it mom?"I called back.
"Get down here,we need to talk"she called back.
I got up from my bed where I had been reading my book on tennis history.I loved tennis, and I always learned new things every time I read a tennis book.I was captain of my school tennis team so I needed to know new things.
"What do you want to talk to me about?"I asked my mom when I was in front of her with my arms crossed.
"Sorry honey,but we are moving back to Japan"she said bluntly.
"WHAT?
??"I yelled.
"Im homesick and so is your dad, we are going back to Japan and your coming to"she said calmy.
"B...b.....but why???"I practically shrieked.
"No complaining,arguing,or anything.Now go call the school and tell them and tell the tennis team to find a new captain"she said and walked off leaving me with my mouth wide open.
Chapter One
Mayu walked down the sidewalk. She was almost at her new school. Its not like its my first time here.Ugh why do I have to come back to school here. I doubt any of my old friends remember me. Its been four years.I wouldnt doubt it if they laughed in my face. I wonder if they remember me? She sighed to herself out of pure frustration.
"Hello"said a voice I didnt recognize.
I looked up to see a guy standing in front of me with closed eyes and a big smile on his face looking at me.
"Umm Hi?"I said confused as to why this guy was talking to me.
"Hi"he said again.
"Umm who are you?"I asked curious.
"Im Syusuke Fuji,call me Fuji"he said holding out his hand obviously wanting me to shake it.
"Umm Okay Fuji-san Im Mayu Ami."I said shaking his hand then letting go real quick.
"Are you new here?"he asked still smiling with his eyes closed.
How the heck can he see like that??I wonder what color his eyes are....
''Um yeah Im sorta new here"I replied.
"What year?"
"3rd"
"Cool we are the same year''
"Ohh cool"
I stared at him waiting for him to go away this was irritation.I was gonna be late for school if i didnt hurry up and start heaing there.But first I wanted to ask him a question that had been bothering me from the very begining.
"Why are you talking to me?"I asked.
"Because I can."he replied.
"What?"I said.
I stood there with my mouth wide open.This guy is nuts.I glanced at my watch and saw that it was time to go.
"Gotta go fuji-san"I said and walked around the side of him and started running.
"Wait!what school?"he called.
I didnt answer him just kept running.I wasnt about to be late for my first day at Seishun Gakuen.
_______________________________________________
Little did she know that he went to her school to.
_______________________________________________
Mayu barely made it on time to class.It was a good thing she knew her way around this school.She sighed.I wouldnt have had to rush if that guy hadnt of stopped me and started talking.Grrr that baka.Finally the bell rang for first block to be over.I quickly grabbed my things and rushed out of the classroom not wanting to be talked to again yet.
"Mayu Ami"said a womans voice behind her.
I turned to see a women in long pants and a dress shirt standing behind me.She had on glasses and was smiling.I shivered.That smile reminds me off that Fuji boy.
"Um Hi"I said.
"Hi I am the girls tennis team coach,and I would like for you to try out"she said bluntly.
"What?"I said confused as to why this women knew she played tennis.
"Im friends with your old tennis coach"she said as if reading my mind.
"Oh"I mangaed to say.
"Well tryouts are today please consider"she said running to walk off.
I watched her go still confused.Wow...this place sure is full of crazy outgoing people..hmm I might just tryout for the girls team.I turned back around and started walking to my next class.I was once again going to be late if I didnt hurry thanks to another person stopping me in the hall.
Sooo how was the first chapter????Anyone like it?Well please review and tell me anything that should be worked on and if you liked it or didnt like it.
Baka-means idiot.
Thank you for reading!
Ummm so how were they?Please tell me your thoughts the exact way you have them.I want the truth.If its bad tell me.If it has bad grammer tell me.If the character is a mary sue tell me.Just tell me anything wrong with it.
This is my first story and its not very good so...review it please people!Its about Kamio.
Kamio walked slowly down the sidewalk lost in his thoughts about a certain someone.He sighed louldly causing people to turn and stare that were walking anywhere around im.He was the center of attention and he hated it.Quickly he sped up and around the corner.
Why?Why Ann-chan?Do you like him...he thought miserably.
What shocked Kamio as he walked into the gate of his yard was Ann-chan sitting on the porch dangling her legs along the side.When she saw him approach she quickly got up and ran to him and gave him a hug."Hi Kamio-kun"she said happily stepping back smiling from a blushing Kamio.He was shocked."Ann-chan why are you here?''he asked trying to hide his happiness."To see you of course"she said matter of factly with her hands behind her back.
"But why?"he asked utterly confused.
Shes at my house!!!!he thought happily.
"Lets go on a date,Kamio-kun"she said grabbing his hand and walking outside of the gate."A DATE?!"He exclaimed loudly."Yes,a date now come on"she said pulling him along.
The end.
Did anyone like my first story?I know its not very good..but can anyone review it and tell me what needs to be worked on?Well thank you!
-Squirrel
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mayu's Choice
Okay!This is my second story.Hopefully this one will be better than the last one I made.lol.I took yalls advice and tried this story.It might be better or it might be worse I dont know...but anyways review it please!I want to know whats wrong with this one because I know somethings just not right.
How it all started:
"Mayu-chan" called mayu's mother from at the foot of the stairs.
"What is it mom?"I called back.
"Get down here,we need to talk"she called back.
I got up from my bed where I had been reading my book on tennis history.I loved tennis, and I always learned new things every time I read a tennis book.I was captain of my school tennis team so I needed to know new things.
"What do you want to talk to me about?"I asked my mom when I was in front of her with my arms crossed.
"Sorry honey,but we are moving back to Japan"she said bluntly.
"WHAT?
??"I yelled."Im homesick and so is your dad, we are going back to Japan and your coming to"she said calmy.
"B...b.....but why???"I practically shrieked.
"No complaining,arguing,or anything.Now go call the school and tell them and tell the tennis team to find a new captain"she said and walked off leaving me with my mouth wide open.
Chapter One
Mayu walked down the sidewalk. She was almost at her new school. Its not like its my first time here.Ugh why do I have to come back to school here. I doubt any of my old friends remember me. Its been four years.I wouldnt doubt it if they laughed in my face. I wonder if they remember me? She sighed to herself out of pure frustration.
"Hello"said a voice I didnt recognize.
I looked up to see a guy standing in front of me with closed eyes and a big smile on his face looking at me.
"Umm Hi?"I said confused as to why this guy was talking to me.
"Hi"he said again.
"Umm who are you?"I asked curious.
"Im Syusuke Fuji,call me Fuji"he said holding out his hand obviously wanting me to shake it.
"Umm Okay Fuji-san Im Mayu Ami."I said shaking his hand then letting go real quick.
"Are you new here?"he asked still smiling with his eyes closed.
How the heck can he see like that??I wonder what color his eyes are....
''Um yeah Im sorta new here"I replied.
"What year?"
"3rd"
"Cool we are the same year''
"Ohh cool"
I stared at him waiting for him to go away this was irritation.I was gonna be late for school if i didnt hurry up and start heaing there.But first I wanted to ask him a question that had been bothering me from the very begining.
"Why are you talking to me?"I asked.
"Because I can."he replied.
"What?
"I said.I stood there with my mouth wide open.This guy is nuts.I glanced at my watch and saw that it was time to go.
"Gotta go fuji-san"I said and walked around the side of him and started running.
"Wait!what school?"he called.
I didnt answer him just kept running.I wasnt about to be late for my first day at Seishun Gakuen.
_______________________________________________
Little did she know that he went to her school to.
_______________________________________________
Mayu barely made it on time to class.It was a good thing she knew her way around this school.She sighed.I wouldnt have had to rush if that guy hadnt of stopped me and started talking.Grrr that baka.Finally the bell rang for first block to be over.I quickly grabbed my things and rushed out of the classroom not wanting to be talked to again yet.
"Mayu Ami"said a womans voice behind her.
I turned to see a women in long pants and a dress shirt standing behind me.She had on glasses and was smiling.I shivered.That smile reminds me off that Fuji boy.
"Um Hi"I said.
"Hi I am the girls tennis team coach,and I would like for you to try out"she said bluntly.
"What?"I said confused as to why this women knew she played tennis.
"Im friends with your old tennis coach"she said as if reading my mind.
"Oh"I mangaed to say.
"Well tryouts are today please consider"she said running to walk off.
I watched her go still confused.Wow...this place sure is full of crazy outgoing people..hmm I might just tryout for the girls team.I turned back around and started walking to my next class.I was once again going to be late if I didnt hurry thanks to another person stopping me in the hall.
Sooo how was the first chapter????Anyone like it?Well please review and tell me anything that should be worked on and if you liked it or didnt like it.
Baka-means idiot.
Thank you for reading!
Ummm so how were they?Please tell me your thoughts the exact way you have them.I want the truth.If its bad tell me.If it has bad grammer tell me.If the character is a mary sue tell me.Just tell me anything wrong with it.
